SIMPSON LAW FIRM, PLLC
(Adoption Services for Birthmothers)
If you would like to speak with Shawna, Chelsea, or Preslei regarding their adoption experience, contact us and we will make arrangements
Twenty-one years ago, I found myself as a birthmother and considering placing my child up for adoption. During the pregnancy, I considered all possible options and at seven months (pregnant) I decided upon the adoption route. After 21 years, I can safely say that it was the best decision I could have made for my daughter, her adoptive parents, and myself. Through mutual love, respect, and understanding, we have remained in contact over the years and have a wonderful friendship today.
There were tough moments for all of us over the years. For me, I missed out on many of her 'firsts'. However, her parents made sure I had plenty of pictures, descriptive letters and videos of these special moments. For my daughter, she felt uncomfortable when her friends asked awkward questions about the adoption. For her parents, they had fears around letting me in their lives early on. As I said above, it worked out for all of us because we genuinely cared about each other. I know I could not have given my daughter all of the opportunities she has had over the last 21 years. If I had raised her myself, I would have been a single mother who had not finished college and did not have a stable job. I would have struggled to spend quality time with her as I would have been working to provide for both of us.
As it turns out, she grew up in a two parent household, she knew who I was from the beginning, she is finishing up an honors program in college, she wants to go to medical school, and she is very active in many areas (soccer, choir, volunteering). I was able to finish my education and have a successful career. I also have a loving husband and two children. My daughter is an active part of our lives and loves being involved with her younger siblings. She and her parents attended my wedding a few years ago.
Adoption is a personal choice for birthmothers. If you choose adoption for your child, please know that there are many forms it can take based upon the relationship you create with the prospective adoptive parents. Twenty-one years ago, my kind of open adoption was very new. However, I knew what I wanted and I also knew that I needed to be completely respectful of the people I chose to raise my daughter 24/7. It takes respect and communication to make it work for all of us. As I look back, I remember that they invited me to just about every event my daughter was involved in. I also remember that I went to many but not all of the events. I wanted to ensure I respected their family unit as much as they wanted to make sure I felt included. It has been and continues to be a very beautiful experience.
As a birthmother, I will not sugar coat the adoption experience because it is emotional, but I will say that I have absolutely no regrets.
I was faced with pregnancy at the age of 18 and instantly knew I could not go through with an abortion so I started researching adoption. I chose an open adoption and spent most of my pregnancy getting to know my birth daughter’s parents, so I never felt like I was handing my child to “strangers”. Adoption was a positive solution to my untimely pregnancy for many reasons. I was young and not ready (emotionally, physically or financially) to be a parent. I was able to “pick” her parents, so I knew who would be raising my child. I was able to stay in touch with the family, which allowed me to still have my holidays, birthdays, etc. with my birth daughter. But, most importantly, I made a dream come true.
My birth daughter is now 20 years old and we have an amazing friendship. She has told me several times that she respects the decision I made for her life, which is probably the most rewarding thing a birthmother could ever hear. As a birthmother, we wait what seems like an eternity to get the “end results”.
There is a lot of controversy/negativity that surrounds adoption and the emotions that come with it, but you can’t let opinions of others be a deciding factor in your decision. I would be more than happy to talk, listen, email or share my story more in-depth with any one who is faced with an untimely pregnancy because having an amazing support system is the most important thing to have through the toughest decision of your life.
Not once have I asked myself, "Why didn't they want me?" I've known my whole life that my birth parents couldn't afford a baby so young and they did a selfless thing for a couple that wanted another baby but couldn't conceive one themselves. I think that anyone who gives their baby up for adoption, whether it be open or closed, are super heroes. I, personally, couldn't do it, but having a son myself, I know firsthand how hard it can be.
Growing up knowing about my adoption and my birth parents has given me the chance to know them and really understand why they did what they did. I got to visit my birth mom recently and every day I replay that trip in my head. I consider my birth mom, my best friend. I tell her everything and she's always there to listen and throw a helping hand when she can. I also don't live far from my birth dad. I have ample amounts of respect for them.
Anyone who can put aside their feelings to help someone else's dreams come true, is amazing.